


An Afternoon

by mean_whale



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Depression, Future Fic, Love Confessions, M/M, Melancholy, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 22:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17211707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: What is one more afternoon in the string of many, sitting in silence and listening to Kuroo walk towards him?





	An Afternoon

The water was calm around the boulders, sliding over their smooth surface. Their stone was dark grey and wet, glimmering with the sunlight, the water shades of grey, deep and shallow all at once. It looked cold. It was probably cold. The boulders must have been cold too, the sun not strong enough to warm their wet surface as the water's cold touch slipped over them.

He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there, but Bokuto knew that his time was running out. His legs were cold, and the sudden gusts of wind kept making them colder. He was sitting on the railing, butt going numb, leaning on his arms, hands hidden in the sleeves of his coat. His hair was sloppy, the gel no longer holding it up like it was supposed to. The tips of his shoes rested right on the edge, at times one of them slipping completely off the bridge.

His duffel bag was behind him, on the other side of the railing, safe on the sturdy bridge. It would probably be the first thing to alert someone to what had happened.

Bokuto looked up to the pale sky. It felt like time had frozen around him while moving on everywhere else, he existed in his own bubble of nothing, and that's why everything looked muted.

It would be easy. It would be over quickly. All he had to do was let go and lean forward. That was the last thing he had to do. But he couldn't do it yet. He was waiting for the right moment, the one single moment when everything seemed to line up perfectly and he could feel it tingle in his gut. It was the pull that he needed, and he was prepared to wait.

People didn't come to the bridge. It was old and in an inconvenient place, out of way for everyone. That's why he knew that the footsteps he heard were meaningful. They headed his way, soft over the wood, and stopped right by him.

Kuroo leaned his forearms on the railing, his arm so close that it touched Bokuto's coat.

“Why do you think this bridge was built right here?” Kuroo asked, his eyes strained on the horizon. “This must have been an important spot to cross the river or there wouldn't be a bridge. Why do you reckon it changed?”

Bokuto shrugged.

“Maybe I should look into some local history,” Kuroo said. “I bet there was something important here.”

Bokuto hummed in acknowledgement.

“It's funny how time changes things,” Kuroo said. “What seems so important right now will not matter tomorrow. And what seems like a minor detail at this moment, might be the most important thing in the future. You just never know.”

“I guess,” Bokuto said.

He was watching the water push its way between the boulders.

“Then there are things you know are important right now,” Kuroo continued, “but you don't know how to deal with them. Maybe they're only important to you and not for anyone else, you know? I wonder if it would change something. Talking about those things.”

Bokuto glanced at Kuroo, who was now watching the water surging below them.

“What kinds of things?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo hummed in thought and leaned forward to get a better look at the water.

“I don't know,” he said. “Probably things like feelings. They're the most difficult to talk about. You know, you can't always put them into words like you want to, and maybe others misunderstand you. And maybe others don't want to hear about them.”

“I would like to hear about them,” Bokuto said quietly.

He kept his eyes off Kuroo but saw in his peripheral vision that Kuroo turned towards him.

“Yeah?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto nodded. There was a lonely cloud in the sky, looking like it had been shredded by vicious claws on its way.

“I'm scared,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto blinked slowly before glancing at him.

“Two things,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto's response was a hum.

“I'm scared that one day I'll be late,” Kuroo said. “I'm scared that when I come here, all I'll see is your bag on the bridge. I'm scared of having to look over the railing just to see you lie down there, mangled by those rocks and lifeless. I'm scared that I'll never forget the sight for as long as I live, and it will haunt me every time I close my eyes.”

Bokuto didn't say anything. His heart was beating faster now, his legs colder, his butt number. He closed his eyes, then opened them slowly.

“I'm scared,” Kuroo said, “that you… I'm scared that if I tell you how I really feel, you'll pull away from me and I'll lose your friendship.”

They listened to the water's hum, the distant sound of cars. The wind rustling their hair.

“Aren't those the same thing?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo thought. He kicked his toes against the bridge.

“I guess,” he said. “No. One is you losing your life. The other is me losing you as a friend.”

“But you're still losing me,” Bokuto said.

“Well, I hope not,” Kuroo said.

He leaned back, holding onto the railing and stretching his body.

“Are you going to tell me?” Bokuto asked.

“Huh?”

Kuroo straightened up and leaned his hip against the railing, his arms crossed over his chest. He was trying to protect his heart.

“How you really feel,” Bokuto said.

Kuroo's shoulders slumped slightly. He was smaller than usual. He was vulnerable in this moment, much more so than Bokuto, and Bokuto had to respect that. He wasn't sure when he had allowed himself to be truly vulnerable with someone.

“You think I should tell you?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto turned to properly face him.

“I'd appreciate the trust,” Bokuto said. “But you don't have to. I know what it's like to be afraid.”

Kuroo watched him with his attentive eyes, taking in everything that was showing on his face. He could feel the weight of his eyebags over his cheeks.

“I love you,” Kuroo said.

It was quiet. They were looking at each other in the eyes. Kuroo looked raw.

“I want to love you too,” Bokuto said.

Kuroo laughed nervously.

“What does that mean?” he asked, pulling his arms tighter around himself.

Bokuto turned to sit sideways, leaning more towards the bridge rather than away from it.

“Pull me out of my head,” Bokuto said. “Teach me how to live again.”

Kuroo watched him with a defensive stance.

“You're the only one I have left,” Bokuto said, “because you're the only one I can't let go.”

“Yeah?” Kuroo asked, sounding sceptical. “Why is that?”

Bokuto swallowed.

“Because you're important,” Bokuto said. “I love you. I have just forgotten how to feel it.”

There was a frown on Kuroo's face, but it wasn't angry. It was maybe confused. Maybe Bokuto was finally losing his ability to read Kuroo. Maybe he was finally losing the last link he had to life.

“Tell me one thing,” Kuroo said. “If I didn't show up, would you jump?”

Bokuto bit his lip. He turned to look at the water, the boulders that were calling for him.

“I'm scared,” he said.

“Would you?” Kuroo repeated.

Bokuto swallowed. His hands were shaking inside his sleeves.

“No,” he said quietly.

He wished that the wind would snatch the word and carry it away. He didn't like acknowledging his weakness, his fear, his desperation to cling to a life that was completely wasted on him.

Kuroo let his arms fall, but there was still a frown on his face.

“Then,” he said, “rather than sit here, why don't you come to me?”

Bokuto blinked a few times in thought.

“We don't have to talk,” Kuroo said. “We can talk if you want. You can talk, and I'll listen. Or I'll talk while you are there, listening or not.”

“You have obligations,” Bokuto said.

Kuroo frowned at that.

“I know,” he said. “But you are much more important.”

Bokuto shook his head, not because he didn't agree but because he couldn't see how Kuroo could possibly think that.

“I'll give you a key,” Kuroo said. “You'll come over when you need, sit on my bed or something. And then I'll come home to you.”

Bokuto couldn't help the appeal of that idea. His legs were so cold he was losing feeling.

“I hate coming to this bridge,” Kuroo said. “I hate what it stands for.”

Bokuto nodded, just once. Kuroo's face melted and he opened his arms. Bokuto slumped forward and let Kuroo embrace him, let Kuroo pull him off the railing and back to the safe side.

“I'm cold,” he said.

“I'll take you home,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto reached for his bag, but Kuroo was quicker and slung it over his shoulder.

“Let's go,” Kuroo said, beckoning for Bokuto to follow.

And he followed. He didn't look back to the bridge even once.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't plan to write this, it just came out last night. I guess in a way it's a vent fic.
> 
> I don't know the context for anything happening here, but it takes place some time in their future.
> 
> [mastodon](https://fandom.ink/@mean_whale) \- [writing list](https://mean-whale.dreamwidth.org/557.html)
> 
> [personal twitter](https://twitter.com/mean_whale) \- [linktree](https://linktr.ee/rtilhi)


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